Sunday, November 8, 2015

Talking To Myself

Photo: Yahoo
The biggest struggle I have in getting to the gym is me. I make excuses why I can't and talk myself out of going. I imagine that other people in the gym will think I'm too out of shape to be there and will silently mock me.  Realistically, I know that they're unlikely to think about me at all and even if they did think poorly of me, it wouldn't mean I couldn't or shouldn't go anyway.  But I debate whether or not I should go and frequently this debate takes enough time that I no longer really have time to get to the gym before work.  And some days I just delay getting out of bed and miss the window.

The talking myself out of working out stuff follows a cycle and I'm not sure what causes its ebb and flow.  I can go for months where there is little that gets in the way of my working out. And then somehow I get off the habit and have trouble getting re-started.  The more I struggled to get back into it, the less likely I am to get back into the habit.  Oddly, when I quit trying to make myself go and even tell myself that I'm not going, I find myself putting on my shoes and heading out the door.

With that said, I know what's likely underlying the most recent bout of struggling to get to the gym.  Having moved to a new city and a new job a couple months ago, I'm still working at establishing new daily life routines and to get my stuff unpacked. I'm not making much headway on either front lately. The job can be overwhelming and most of the time coming home to face piles of boxes and packing paper is also overwhelming, so I end up sitting in my comfy chair to eat dinner and then knit or read for a few hours before it is time to get ready for the next day and for bed.  It seems like the evening time passes by in a flash--as soon as I sit down to eat and read, suddenly it is bed time.

But I have been able to get to the gym on weekends and I've been pretty consistent about it. I know I'm not making significant progress training for my upcoming race, but I am confident that it's better than no training at all.  Now I just need to build in a couple extra days during the week and I'll get there. Every workout I get in is better than no workout at all.

In the meantime, I'll keep re-directing my thought process toward more productive patterns than what others at the gym may or may not be thinking about me.